"Losing a child is a parent’s
worse nightmare. In our fantasies about our lives and how they will play out, we
never envision that we will lose a child. In fact we have the most beautiful
baby (or babies) in the world and everyone lives happily ever after. The truth
is, that sometimes parents lose their baby. There may be no discernable rhyme
nor reason to the loss, making the loss much worse as we blame ourselves, our
bodies, the world.
Getting pregnant after a loss
has additional issues: Will we lose another pregnancy? What are my chances of
losing another pregnancy? When is the optimum time to try again? When another
pregnancy does occur, time lines can be emotionally depleting, especially if
they mirror those of the unsuccessful pregnancy. Such fears and questions are
normal.
Journeys: Stories of
Pregnancy After Loss, edited by Amy L. Abbey, chronicles stories of loss by
parents whom have suffered the worst kind of loss. This touching and caring book
speaks to the pain of losing a much-wanted and loved baby, through miscarriage,
stillbirth or just after birth. One by one parents recount how their pregnancy
progressed, some knowing ahead of time that their precious child would not live
to feel the sun. Parents speak to their innocence about their pregnancy, their
joys, and about the journey of the distress of their loss. Some share their
disbelief with the news of their child’s prognosis and of processing that
knowledge. They share how they coped through their loving relationships with
each other, family and friends. Some had other children but the emptiness
remains in spite of the subsequent joy of the birth of a healthy child.
I think it is important not
only to tell the stories of precious lives lost, but also in letting us know
that we are not alone in our grief. By sharing their stories, these courageous
parents have honoured the short lives of their babies while at the same time
extending a hand and loving spirit to other grieving families experiencing the
same situation. Together we are so much stronger and the path, while still bumpy
and often uphill, is somehow made a little better."
-Lynda
Haddon, Multiple Births Families
"Pregnancy after loss is a harrowing and nerve-wracking experience. Once you
have lost a child through miscarriage, stillbirth, or as an infant, the world of
pregnancy takes on a completely different look. The blinders that we wore are
stripped away and the innocence that we enjoyed is gone. In the past, we might
have been able to face the anticipation of a pregnancy with such hope for the
future. But when a pregnancy or a birth ends with the death of our child, those
happy and blissful images of pregnancy disappear forever.
In her new book, Journeys: Stories of Pregnancy After Loss, Amy L. Abbey
has brought together emotional and heart-felt experiences of miscarriage,
stillbirth, and infant death as told by the parents who have lived it. These
tales are then coupled with the joyous stories of that same family's successful
subsequent pregnancy and child. The result is a beautiful book that brings into
focus the strength and hope that can follow the loss of a child.
Journeys is a must-read for anyone who has experienced pregnancy and
infant loss, but especially for those who are looking fearfully ahead into their
own future, trying to find hope in another pregnancy. Families and friends of
the bereaved parents might also find this book helpful in illustrating, in very
stark and plain terms, the realities that so many families unfortunately have to
face.
Pregnancy after loss is a tender and emotional thing. So often, everyone around
us wants to be so cheerful and exuberant about the wonderful news of a new
beginning. For everyone on the outside, pregnancy after loss is doubly happy and
doubly exciting. But what many fail to recognize is that for the parents who are
now expecting another child, it is terrifying. The joy does not come easily, and
the fears that everyone will soon forget that special child who died are
overwhelming. Now that these parents have experienced life as that minority
statistic whose pregnancy ended with a death, the idea that the odds are with
them for a good outcome is meaningless.
There are few things more powerful than knowing there are others who have been
there. Reading these stories of loss and trying again, I was brought back into
the pain as well as the joy of my own experiences. So many of my own thoughts
and feelings are mirrored in the stories told in this book. There is tremendous
value in having my own feelings validated and knowing that I am not alone. For
anyone who has experienced a loss and is seeking avenues toward hope, this book
is for you."
-Corinne O'Flynn, Director,
Rowan Tree Foundation
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